How Can I Reduce My Alcohol Consumption Without Feeling Like I'm Missing Out?

Question

I understand that at some point I will have to stop drinking, but I am concerned about being socially disabled. What do you recommend?

Answer 1

The issue of moderation is compounded by the fact that most people regard drinking as part of the social experience. One could perhaps consider, first, setting self limits, second, pursuing other equally interesting avocations that do not involve alcohol, third, engaging in social related activities that do not involve conferences around drinks, fourth, informing relatives and friends about your target. It is worth noticing however that the emphasis is not on the drinking or not drinking, but the ability to make a decision in relation to one’s health.

Comments

Five years without a drink and it's the best decision I've ever made. I fit a similar profile to Dan in terms of consumption and how it made me feel and respond. I looked ahead to the next few decades of my life and decided that the negatives (weight gain, anxiety, sleep effects, hangovers) were too considerable to ignore. I do miss it; I i do envy people who can have "just one or two" and I don't pass judgement on those who do drink. But i wouldn't change that decision for any amount now. Plus, the alcohol free options available now are so much better than they were give years ago. No one really notices you after the first drink!

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After drinking consistently from the age of 15 to 56, I’ve now managed to go 11 years without a drop. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made and I wish I’d had the sense & courage to stop sooner.

Good to hear of your ongoing journey Dan and I wish you well as you go further

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I wanted to add my story here. I’m 50 and drank to much all my adult life, consumption varied depending how I felt but I’ve drank socially with friends and also on my own. I’ve also used it many times as a way to get through life, I’ve hidden my empty bottles through shame, phoned in sick to work more than a few times. Cancelled plans because I was too hungover to attend and even skipped romantic dates so I could drink. I even cancelled on seeing my children for it yet I could never admit to myself that it was controlling me, not the other way round. Then I got told I had cancer about 3 years back and went through chemo. In remission now so all good but that obviously made me think and stop for a while. Then a year back my grandson was also born and I made a choice, I could carry on like I did in the past and maybe live another ten years, or I could take control and watch my grandson grow up and be part of it. I also got back into cycling for first time in quite a while, and found I would rather get a good nights sleep and go out for a bike ride and enjoy it and feel good afterwards so I don’t want to drink as then I knew I wouldn’t go. Now, I’m much healthier, my cholesterol and blood pressure are the best they have been in as long as I can remember, I have lost weight, my skin is looking much better and I’m now very active at the weekends and only drink on the rare occasion I go out with friends, which also means I get tipsy quicker so costs less . I feel a lot happier and healthier, my strongest advice to anyone who finds themself like I was, do it, you will look back and feel it’s the best thing you ever did and you will feel good for it, I promise you. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.

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My mom died six years ago since then I haven’t been doing much to stay healthy. Haven’t been riding my bike. I’ve been drinking like a fish and I’ve been having a horrible diet. I had a wake up call by catching a DWI interesting that this is the first content I saw this morning. now that my son is also fighting cancer I realize that I need to stop Self medicating, and and I have to start being the father that he deserves .thank you for this content. I have forgotten how much I enjoyed your content.

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This has been the best series on GCN. I've really enjoyed your journey, Dan. I gave up alcohol almost 15 years ago and my high blood pressure went away and I lost about 20 pounds. It wasn't easy, but I've been on balance very happy with my decision.

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I quit in 1985 on a bet, and my Irish catholic father who was a pacific campaign marine in WWII got a DUI a few weeks later. He was  directed to go to AA. He decided to quit, and i stayed sober to support him. I don't miss it. 39 years now

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Alcohol completely trashed my health. Had a minor heart attack caused by sky-high blood pressure I didn't know I had. Looked like a blow fish and felt 20 years older. Quit March 2023, got back on the bike, lost 61 pounds, reversed the blood pressure to normal as well as blood sugar, fatty liver, insulin resistance, etc. 54 years old, off all meds, and now have the energy level of a 24 year old and my social life has never been better. This is living.

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I decided to stop drinking 294 days ago. I was fed up with the negative effects that I felt alcohol had on my life, cycling, work and the ones I love. It has helped me focus on the things I need to focus on in my life, I feel way better and healthier. A interesting thing is that I used alcohol in order to cope with certain situations, social gatherings, flying etc. After 5-6 months without alcohol all of that anxiety is now gone by itself.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was what to do with all extra energy and time that I got... So now I've started three new companies, workout more frequently.

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I cut my drinking for the last 3-4 years. I wasn’t feeling great when drinking any amount, even small amount. I discovered a few great NA beers and I stick to those if I really feel like that taste is missing. For the most part, I don’t  miss that feeling of being tired the day after, or even during the consumption. I don’t really see the downside of reducing or eliminating drinking completely. Save money, control weight and improve health, more productive and overall happier. I will have an occasional small drink ones every few months but I also feel when you lower consumption, the craving receded, if not disappear almost completely in my case. It’s a beautiful thing to see other friends being inspired to do the same because I made that change. It’s like it gives permission to be social in a very authentic way with others.

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Ive always had a good relationship with alcohol but noticed i started drinking at home alone 4/7 nights a week in covid after our daughter was born. My wife pointed this out to me and I took time to focus on my mind. Since then I can take it or leave it & have no worries saying "nah not tonight" when out with friends. but also since turning 30 i found alcohol was ruining my sleep. If i drink now i'll wake up after a couple of hours and my mind will be racing and cant get back to sleep. The loss of sleep just isnt worth it now in most cases

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In my 20’s I was probably borderline alcoholic, but then (after a couple of real benders!) I stopped - literally overnight.  Looking back it was the best thing I’ve ever done and so wish I’d done it earlier.  One thine you didn’t mention was the financial cost of it.  
The biggest issue for me has been having to argue with people who are trying to buy me a drink that I don’t want to drink alcohol anymore!

Just give it up, after 10+ years, I don’t miss it at all!

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Before I even read this content, and the results, I personally gave up alcohol 9 months ago. Lost a stone in weight immediately, my power figures hit an all time high and I was dropping riders half my age. At the grand old age of 54, I can’t see me ever going back. Not to mention it’s nearly seven quid a pint where I live!!!

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So many are afraid of what they'll lose if they quit drinking, but they also don't know what they will find to replace it until they try. It might be something much more meaningful.
I quit 5 years ago and my life is much better now, found so many new things in my life I couldn't even think of before.

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Congratulations to all who do a Sober October. I decided to stop drinking for one month after 50 years to see if I could do it. It has now been one year and one month of sobriety for me. I just could not find a reason to go back to drinking once I had stopped. That really surprised me. What surprised me even more was dropping more than 10 lbs, dropping my borderline high blood pressure to low-normal, and getting superb night sleeps like I can't remember having for decades. My mood has uplifted (didn't know I was depressed), I'm calm and less agitated, and my social life has not changed. I just don't drink alcohol anymore.

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As with all the episodes in this series, Dan is thoughtful, sincere, honest, and clear about issues that a lot of us - well, at least me - think about and struggle with. As a pretty healthy, happy 51 year-old, I've been considering how I can make the second half (?) of my life is as healthy and happy as the first. I want to enjoy my eventual retirement, my eventual grandkids, the adventures I hope to have. And eating and sleeping better, drinking less, exercising more to get stronger, more flexible, more balanced are all part of what I want to do - and am, to greater or lesser degrees, doing. Dan's content journey is always a great regrounding in the that ongoing effort. And his discussion of alcohol is particularly resonant. I too, drink more than I want to, but not enough to perceptibly impact my day-to-day. But I know it is not great - and not a great example for my kids. I, too, am looking to reduce my consumption to two days a week. And when I drink, to have no more than three. But in most cases limit to two. The toughest drinks to cut out are the ones at home after work. But if it is not in the house and I've got a suitable n/a replacement, I've had success changing the habit, at least in the short run. But I tend to drift back to the two beer weeknights at home. Those have got to go. In any event, really love these contents. Some of the best, most relevant, most personal, most resonant content on GCN.

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I come from Czechia, which some of you might know as the country with the  highest consumption of beer per capita in the world, and the social pressure when it comes to drinking is immense. In fact, where I come from it is pretty common to start drinking underage, as was in fact my case since I had my first drink even before being 15 years old. Moving on to university I once again spent a lot of my student money on drinks as it was the norm at any social event. At one point while on an exchange in the Netherlands I drank every night, beers and whiskey, and I am pretty sure I passed out half of the nights I spent there. But after finishing my studies I cut down my drinking significantly, as I started getting worried about growing an addiction and in general the effects alcohol had on my body. Instead, I turned to endurance sports, which is how I eventually got to cycling. At this point I am 27 and quit drinking completely, though I get many strange looks and not very sympathetic comments whenever I find myself at an event of any kind.

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As you get older, just stop drinking. I love drinking, but it completely sabotages your weight and health AND being sober is so great

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I really appreciate the candid nature of this post. It resonates a lot with me and couldn't have come at a better time.

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Ive not drank in 7 years, healths better both physically and mentally, but noone invites me to any social event anymore...ever....

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Thank you for your honesty, Dan! That must have been a difficult confession to make to the entire world. Much respect!  I quit drinking 20+ years ago because I personally didn't like the feeling it gave me. I've always substituted club soda or sparkling water when socializing and enjoyed the feeling of being in control of my reflexes, my inhibitions, and especially my mouth - as I tend to be quite uninhibited in my conversation as it is. When asked if I'd like a drink, I always respond, "No thanks. I've alienated enough people sober." It always gets a laugh.

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I'm in my late 20s and battled to stop drinking after University. I'm also a T1D and I am a biochemical engineer. As I learned more I learned how bad it is. It's amazing how people treated me in the US when I told friends and family that I stopped all together and would never go back. Years later I know that I have not missed anything in life without alcohol. I go to the bar and get soda, deal with stress in healthy ways, and recover from sickness and training much faster. If you're thinking about doing it or struggling to stop drinking I can tell you that once you get over the adjustment/separation period life is great on the other side.

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Dan, I applaud your personal and open exploration of alcohol use. I'm in my 12th year of sobriety but it took several attempts, including the first, which lasted 2-1/2 yrs. It took me three attempts at abstinence to learn the stumbling blocks that triggered my returns to alcohol.

The common thread of each stumbling block was a sense of loss. Loss of a family member; loss of (drinking) friends; loss of social activities where alcohol is served; loss of an alcohol-influenced mental state where everything felt great. I needed to learn from these triggers to avoid the landmines.

The greatest difference between 2013 and the first three abstinence episodes, was that I was thoroughly ready to quit drinking alcohol. I no longer felt like I would be “missing out.”

Am I better off for quitting the drink? Yes. I’m healthier and now my friends are at the gym and the bike trails, not the bar!

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Over the past 5 years with my cycling training I've found drinking really affecting me more negatively than ever before. Really bad hangovers, immediate headaches, feeling incredibly drunk after 2 drinks. So pretty much just stopped. But have completely switched to non alcoholic beers because I still enjoy the social aspect and do actually enjoy beer. Best accidental decision ever.

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I stopped about 5 years ago and don’t miss it one bit.  As a result, I learned better social skills, my joints stopped hurting, and I always have extra spending money.

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I'm in my early 50s, but after a childhood rocked by the trauma of alcoholism in my immediate family, I made a solemn promise to myself to never touch the stuff. I am happy to report that I kept my promise and have never had a drop. This decision has certainly shaped my life as it concerns the loss of certain social opportunities, but I feel that it has benefitted me in terms of my own physical and emotional well being, especially when I compare my own life's track to that of other family members. I am still an avid cyclist and hope to be active as long as life allows me to be so. I applaud anyone who has taken steps to reevaluate their own relationship with alcohol.

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I’m glad you and GCN have chosen to present this subject. It’s ok if you choose to use alcohol; it’s an individual choice.

Nearly 31 years ago, I decided not to use alcohol; for me it’s been one of the best decisions I ever made. I never liked the alcohol “high”, and the social benefits always linked me with people I didn’t want in my social circle when I was sober. On the rare occasions when I visit someone at a bar, I will only stay for a few minutes before my flight instincts take over. Like a lot of recovering addicts, I find watching other people drinking to be a poor spectator sport.

If you decide you want to stop using alcohol or other drugs, know that you will find other ways to socialize. Bicycles and cycling have been my primary means of socializing since I was a child. Group rides, bike clinics, trail building, and building/repairing bikes have brought me rewarding and long lasting relationships with people I like; alcohol and other drugs only brought me a few fleeting giggles and toxic relationships.

Regardless your choices with alcohol and other drugs, may you always ride fast and far on happy trails!❤

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I love that this is not a condescending content. Great job Dan and GCN. First half of this year I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol, purely to see if I could and how it would make me feel. I was not a heavy drinker before. (1 day per week, max 6 drinks) My sleep quality drastically increased, my resting heart rate decreased a bit and I was fitter and performed better in the cycling I do. I did not FEEL fitter though. After the period I am back to my "regular" habits. I don't feel like I am compromising my health (Even though the evidence is irrefutable), and I just have more fun with friends now. I try to be conscious about when and how much I drink and I feel for me that is good enough.

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Normally I do a sober month each year. This year I do an extended one from September to Christmas. I feel like there is a clarity of the mind that sets in when you dont drink for some time. But I dont think I will ever give up drinking completely.

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Great content Dan, bravo.

I’m currently doing “No more 24” ie no alcohol for the year of 2024. I’m loving it. I’m very fit and do at least 1 Ironman a year but I struggle with my weight. Being British I was brought up in a culture of alcohol and pubs. I’m 58 now and have been questioning my relationship with alcohol for sometime but without making any changes. Going dry for a year has been awesome, I’m loving it. My average resting heart rate is now down to 40 (47 previously), I no longer have to suffer stomach hangovers after 3-4pints. I sleep better and even when I binge a bit too much on food I barely notice any longterm change to the scales, unlike when I was drinking.

I intend to start drinking again next year but that will likely involve little to no alcohol. I just won’t call myself tea total but since I see alcohol as pure poison now I can’t see myself falling into old habits.

All my friends are incredibly supportive (and most of them are big boozers) some have also cut down, one has quit alcohol and all of them seem to be asking themselves the same questions that I did about their relationship with alcohol or at least about the amount they drink.

To express my feelings about it as succinctly as possible - I feel free for the first time in over four decades, I’m happier, healthier and although it was a massive part of who I was, I don’t miss it at all.

I do have a bike addiction though.

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When I was younger I used to drink alcohol quite a bit, starting in my teen years and continuing up into my early 50's, with beer being my poison of choice. Then I slowly started to feel ill everytime that I had a few, so I started cutting back my consumption, but it didn't matter. I got to a point where I'd have just one beer, but I'd still have very nasty hangover symptoms later that day, evening, and the next morning. At that point I made the decision to quit drinking alcohol altogether, and it was one of the best decisions that I've ever made. I never had a single craving for it, and I don't miss consuming alcohol one single bit now.  I'm actually glad that it started making me feel sick after I consumed it because it really was an unhealthy habit.

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I love your honesty Dan, it's really very moving. I used to drink when I was younger but now get terrible hangovers and alcohol can be a migraine trigger for me, which acts as a pretty effective deterrant. I'm not tee-total, but am mindful about alcohol and only drink occasionally.
For me, eating healthily and managing my weight has always been more of a struggle than alcohol, and on that front the same principle applies - whatever you do has to be sustainable over a period of decades. Anything that takes too much mental effort is unsustainable and likely to lead to falling off the wagon, often negating any progress that was made.
Good luck with your Sober October, and thank you for this candid and inspiring series.

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As I have gotten into my late 40s I began to feel that the drink I enjoyed had become the drinks that I "needed". Cutting back dramatically has been tough socially and a test of willpower in changing life habits. I feel better and it is easier to maintain my weight without the extra calories. Good on you for your efforts!

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I’ve been on antidepressants for 8 months, they seem to shut me down when I socialise but after a drink I interact better however, I’m in the process of giving it all up for better health.

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138 days sober and feeling great. Been huge for my weight loss and cycling performance.

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I stopped drinking a number of years ago. As I got older and had a more stressful life, the impact of even small amounts of alcohol became greater.  Stopping has allowed me to avoid all of those impacts.
The rise in availability and taste of zero alcohol beer has helped a lot. I can go out for a drink with friends and still feel sociable despite not having an alcoholic beer

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I was drinking similarly to Dan and chose to stop completely. My personal reason was quite simple, I had to ask myself if I disliked the hangovers more than I liked the drinking ... and I had to admit I disliked the hangovers more. I am now 8 months in and would say to Dan that just reducing your consumption is not enough to reset your system. Neither will a sober October be.
The biggest change that occured for me was between the 2nd and 4th month. This is where you seriously reset your brain chemistry and begin to again learn to produce dopamine and serotonin etc. naturally again. Your brain has simply become dependant on an alcohol stimulant to kickstart the production of these "feel good" hormons.
Living without any trace of the day after triredness, craving for junk food, occasional hangover blues with traces of anxiety, is still a novelty for me and I love it. I have just begun this journey, but I can understand why some people say that living in sobriety is a super power. Do I miss that warm feeling of the first drinks on Friday after work? Sometimes ... but only for a few hours. After that things just get a bit messy and incoherent anyway.  
For those of you that just cant picture yourself in a pub without a beer, there is hope. I drink alcohol free beer now and there is a bit of a placebo effect going on. I can actually feel a bit light headed after a couple of alcohol free beers and now that my body isnt craving any kind of alcohol buss anymore its sufficient to pretty much "keep up" with people who are drinking. Add to that, that some of these alcohol free beers are really good and I am as happy as can be. In my home country many bars have alcohol free beer on tap... and good ones as well.
8 months in and I am still a complete novice. I can really taste the alcohol in a normal beer now and I dont like the taste anymore. When I am really tired and look in the mirror I am always surprised that I dont look nearly as tired as I thought I would. Mondays at work are a breeze, I am completely refreshed and walk into the office with a carefree attitude I never had before.
Its a personal choice, but for all of you who are considering it, I say jump into it. Dont be so conservative and boring. Be more adventurous, experiment with alternative ways of living a life.....see what I just did there ;-)

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My wife and I went alcohol free in 2023 just as a thing to do...and it changed our relationship with alcohol. I might have an occasional beer when I have a taste from something without a non-alcoholic/low alcohol equivalent, but even now, I rarely do that. While we drank daily, we were fortunate to be able to just say, "Hey, let's quit for a year," and do so. In hindsight, we were not doing ourselves any favors, and I feel so much better not drinking at all.

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I love what you said in the end "what's the point of living to 100 if you sacrificed all that you enjoyed" and that reflects my own experience, not only with alcohol but other things (like excess beef consumption, which latin americans can relate with). I do enjoy a beer as much as anyone, but as I aged, I noticed my hangovers were getting worse and I basically lost one day afterwards. As an adult now, losing a day off, when you could rather go on a hike or a bike ride, it just didn't made sense. These days I still consume alcohol, but I never even got to the tipsy point. If in the old days I drank 4 beers, now I take half of it. I also limited it to once a week. That has been helping me.

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This is really helping me with my cutback journey, since I want to get better on my bike and just not drinking because I'm bored, or as a reward. Helps me psychologically as well, as it's a depressant. Thanks for this series, and particularly this part.

Good luck on your journey!

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So well done! A terrific discussion of the health and social implications of drinking alcohol! Dan's openness about his process adds credibility as he includes his own challenges, blind spots, successes and questions. The high-level health info is accurate (thankfully) and coupled with the social impact, allows me to review my own decision to keep any alcohol drinking to about 6-8 drinks per year with ease.

One of the things that may surprise some folks when they stop drinking is how those around us react. For example, as someone who is single and dating, I have had women ask me if I was "sober" (i.e. a recovering alcoholic - I am not), wonder if I was judging them (a legitimate question since judgments can arise on all sides of the drinking question) and if it bothers me if others drink alcohol (it doesn't - unless someone drinks so much their behavior becomes bothersome).

A little trick for non-alcohol drinkers if they are concerned about offending those around them at a dinner or social event...if you are feeling a bit concerned that you won't "fit in" etc, you can order a beer or glass of wine and nurse it - drink it really slowly...almost not at all...just having it there will remove most questions. You simply don't "drink" as much as others. This is a tip for perhaps dicey or delicate social situations. My friends and colleagues who know me don't care that I don't drink so no need for this. It all depends on your level of ease.

Amazing content Dan! And terrific series on your health journey. I have learned a lot!

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Loving these contents Dan. Currently on my own journey with health and fitness.. and that's what it is! A journey! I'm 27 and have cut down the drink massively to 1/2 drinks a week on average from 3/4 a day. I can see myself stopping completely in the not so distant future.

I think the social aspect is the biggest change but part of my learning has been finding who are friends and who are "drinking partners"! You also move into different circles the more active you are, running/cycling/swimming/gym/football pals!

Completed my first sprint triathlon this year and looking to do more in the future. Keep up the good work and all the best. Soda and lime for me, cheers!

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Thank you, and well done for the way you've approached this subject.
After battling alcohol addiction all of my adult life, I had my last alcoholic drink in February of last year.
Getting into cycling has been one of the most positive influences in helping me end my self destructive relationship with this highly addictive poison.
I now live a much happier existence, and I thank cycling for this.
That feeling of being on the summit of a big climb early in the morning certainly beats the feeling of self hatred I used to get when struggling to drag myself out of bed.

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Brilliant series Dan- thank you!  We are all cheering you on your journey!  

As someone in their late 50's, I am inspired by a member in our local triathlon club still competing nationally and internationally in his 80's - this motivates me to keep working at all aspects of my health to keep aiming for that target, not as a short-lived "fad" but as a lifestyle.

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Thank you. When I quit my job 16 months ago I decided to stop drinking my IPA.  I never let myself run low on bear and often neglected to drink water. Beer was my reward at mnt. Tops or at mid ride.  And at breakfast. I miss my beer but not my use patterns. Thank you for stepping up into talking about health. Love this concept.

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I gave it up a few years ago now and the bit in this content that really resonated with me was the part about socialising. I would always associate feeling good with a beer but that was often because it was had in company, at a restaurant or doing a bbq etc etc. You realise in the end that it has nothing to do with that and you can have just as good a time without it ... even better as you feel good the next morning. One good quote that resonated with me was that drinking is just stealing happiness from the future .. and it is soo true.

Answer 2

Many bars and restaurants offer delicious non-alcoholic cocktails, mocktails, or alcohol-free beers and wines. Engage in conversations, games, dancing, or other activities that keep you busy and less focused on drinking. Most people are focused on enjoying themselves and won't mind whether you're drinking alcohol or not. In the long run, your choice to abstain or cut down might encourage others to reflect on their own drinking habits.