When we approach boundaries as something that we will do rather than what we expect from others, we begin to clash with the point where boundaries were originally defined. It is also unclear how the relative strength and assertiveness of words such as ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ are perceived by parents when making a request to children in normal contexts such as ‘don’t jump on the couch’ or ‘turn the TV off’ and how it is less passive than setting a boundary. Here, the boundary is about what the parent will do should the television not be turned off or the child does not get out of the couch. A framework enabling children to be developmentally immature and volitively weak because they are children while putting the burden of boundary enforcement on the parent.
The speakers also touch on the misconception that a child requires rules and structures. Perhaps the assumption that children require rules is inaccurate, but it’s true that when rules are not available, children appear to have a way of getting their needs. Lewis D’Antoni addresses one such fundamental reality when he says, children are basically asking “Am I real?”, and “Am I safe?” boundaries in children as well as boundaries that parents put around their children help children parents provide children with a sense of reality and sense of safety Though it is important to assist in answering these questions, it would then be necessary to create and strengthen emotions in these children. Empathy and boundaries are not concepts that exclude one another in this sense; they are aspects of a single concept because parenting is systemic. One of the aspects of parenting is competence and this entails the capacity to appreciate children’s feelings – this however must be put with a measure which allows the effective integration of boundaries. They are in a relationship which children absolutely require to help them manage their emotions as well as enable them to feel safe. The final part of the discussion raises the argument that children consistently look for boundaries and boundaries provide a sense of connection and protection for children.